How we wish we could read others peoples minds. How we wish we knew whether they really mean the words they say. How we wish we did not have to stay hanging in mid-air to figure out what others are actually telling us, non-verbally.
Well, being able to read body language is almost like having a superpower. Imagine the amount of effort you can save yourself if from the very beginning of a date you know the lady is interested or not interested in you. This knowledge would not only help you to skip over the ones with whom it would ultimately not go anywhere, but also fuel communication with the one who is sending secret fireworks towards you!
I stumbled upon a simple yet ingenious way of knowing whether someone likes you or not. What is it? Well, it is called ‘Mirroring’.
Imagine you are having a conversation with someone where you guys are speaking on a topic that you both agree upon. Well verbally yes, but to find out to what extent you agree with each other in reality – you could look for the non-verbal clues.
Suppose you are conveying to her that you like her, see if your body postures are agreeing with each others’! Yes, it is as simple as that. If it is, then know she is interested too. If not, well then, you need to try harder. On the other hand, if you see crossed arms and/or legs, know that she is not interested at all as she is in a defensive pose.
What you see in the form of identical body posture is a physical manifestation of your minds thinking alike. Not much of a surprise there right? But plain genius I felt! We all do it. It’s called limbic synchrony, and it’s hardwired into the human brain. Most of the times we do this unconsciously, but once you have the knowledge and use it for the right purpose consciously it could help in communicating better.
Mimicry of each others postures goes on till two people are in agreement. Shift your arms, and see if she moves her arms, touch your hair, see if she does it too. If yes you know what that means, if not you also know that which is not being said!
Well, even if the first signs are not too encouraging there is another way of influencing their thoughts at that point of time. So, It has been scientifically proven that our body gestures are intricately interlinked with our minds, both being inter-dependent. So, someone sitting with open hand gestures is more likely to have an open mind and the opposite stands true too. Now, how do you break their defensive stance? Ask for her to pass the water or anything else – for which she will have to un-cross her arms. This will unlock her non-receptiveness, affect her mind and act as a barrier remover, making her more open to you.
The next way of telling someone you like them or putting them at ease would be to simply copy their posture. This act of mirroring when used in the correct setting can be used to influence the mind frame in face-to-face encounters. As Pease says, “This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind, as he can ‘see’ that you understand his point of view.”
“Mirroring and the resultant feeling of being connected” is a powerful tool to turn around interactions. So, when you want to let someone know your intentions about them you could consciously send out non-verbal clues that will automatically be picked up by her subconsciously. Again, keep an eye out for someone who might be mirroring you.
Now, as a small practice, see the 2 photographs given below and decide for yourself what impression you get about the relationship these two gentlemen share here:
The thought that would come to anyone’s mind is they are getting along really well since they look so well synchronised. Well, that is it! No huge magical secret.
Try to observe people s body gestures the next time you are at a club or a restaurant or even a gathering. Play the guessing game of whether they are getting along well or not.
Not only is it fun but it will also serve as a practise session for you the next time you plan to go out. So get rid of the ‚she-likes-me-she-likes-me-not‘ dilemma! Look out and keep mirroring!
Article by Sulagna Das
